I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
