In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
