Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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