She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
