He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am available for nakedness
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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