Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
