Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
