She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
