he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
