No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
