As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's shark week go big or go home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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