The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
