Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Shame is for Republicans.
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