You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
