Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
