good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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