when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
