The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize