Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
