I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
