it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
