My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
