we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
