Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
