we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
