he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
