now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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