My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
