You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
where are my eyebrows?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
