in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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