I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
where does the pee come out of this thing
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
