Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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