see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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