There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have pet lesbian snakes
Your dad touched me again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
