Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
