did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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