Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
