i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
