Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
