i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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