I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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