I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
