Swine flu. Run for my life!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
