That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
