i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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