the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
