I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
