tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
