Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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