wanna go halves on a baby?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize