this beer tastes like vomit already
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
