Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
