she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
