i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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