I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
