A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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