alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
