are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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