when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
