if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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