i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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