i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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