Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
