Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
