just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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