someone get that fucking seahorse.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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